


One Potato, Two Potato...

by KlainebowsAndDramioneflies



Category: Glee
Genre: Crack, Drabble, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-08 01:50:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4286085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KlainebowsAndDramioneflies/pseuds/KlainebowsAndDramioneflies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the prompt: “im a cashier and i saw you stuffing you pants full of potatoes and i would stop you but you already have 27 and i want to see how many you can fit"au I’m just kinda going with it. I don’t even know. This is kinda crackish I guess. It’s funny though?</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Potato, Two Potato...

Kurt never should have complained about his summer job being boring. Ever since Finn took over helping out at the garage and his dad had politely suggested Kurt find somewhere else to work until he started college in the fall, the countertenor had been bored out of his mind at the local supermarket. It wasn’t that he didn’t want his brother to feel important down at the shop. It was just that he actually  _liked_  working on cars, while stocking produce and ringing up groceries was the single most boring thing he could think of to do four of seven days a week.

So, naturally, Kurt had complained. To his boyfriend. Who happened to be the most idiotic male who wasn’t his brother. Yes, Kurt Hummel was dating Noah Puckerman. Once he’d figured out he and Blaine just weren’t working (and once he’d realized Blaine was a tragic enough flirt to make out with both Rachel  _and_  Sebastian on separate drunken occasions) he’d opened his eyes and his heart to the ex-bully who had spent a good year not-so-subtly hitting on Kurt.

Of course, complaining about the boring state of his temporary employment meant that Kurt got Puck’s brain churning and that meant bad things for his future. Bad and entertaining things, but still.. Kurt didn’t really want to get fired, and the evil glint in Noah’s eyes any time Kurt groaned and tugged on his store apron had him biting his lip with worry and excitement combined.

The day had started out as normal, and boring, as any other. Mike had taken up a summer shift at the same store and was wheeling carts back to their caddy when he met Kurt’s eyes and the two turned their heads at a strangely familiar humming.

“Oh. My. God.” Kurt groaned, slapping a hand to his forehead as he watched his boyfriend shove a potato down his pants as if nothing odd was going on, sing some AC/DC line under his breath, then shove another after the first. There had to be at least five potatoes already crowding the legs of his jeans, and he was still going. “Why am I dating him? Why? Am I permanently high? Mike, tell me, have I been drugged for the past eight months?”

Kurt’s wild eyes focused on a gaping Mike, who just shook his head and grinned with his mouth still open. “How many do you think he can fit?”

Unable to shift his gaze from the mohawked spectacle that was Noah Puckerman, Kurt just shook his head. “I have no idea,” he muttered, leaning against the belt of his empty line and settling in for the show.

* * *

 

“Dude. That’s at least twenty-five,” Sam’s voice was full of awe as he rested his elbows on Blaine’s shoulders, chin on the shorter boy’s head. Blaine grumbled slightly but barely shifted as he looked on at the potato-stuffing Puck.

Kurt shook his head and corrected the blonde. “Twenty-seven. And that’s twenty-eight. I don’t know how the hell he’s still fitting them in there. I mean, those two went in the front and there is so not enough room for more junk up there…” Kurt gasped and covered his mouth as if just realizing what he’d said, as Sam and Blaine both cracked up while Finn yelped about ‘TMI’. Artie was a few feet away so he could see what all was happening without the nearby checkouts blocking his view, so he missed the slip, though Mike was quick to fill him in.

“Nice, Kurt. I’m glad for you. We’ve all heard about it from the girls anyway,” the wheelchair-bound teen commented with a shrug, observing as Puck shoved potato number thirty into his pants and did an awkward hop, making all the bulges bounce around his legs.

Apparently that had been a bad idea, as the three potatoes in the front of his jeans had also been jostled and Noah winced, whining when he’d normally have hummed to his song, which had switched to ‘Smooth Criminal’ which he clearly was not. Kurt snorted.

“Yeah, well,” he muttered, deciding quickly that he didn’t care how much the guys knew about his sex life with Noah. They all shared the details of theirs with the girls, and Kurt heard the other side from said girls, too. It was only fair they got to hear a little about his as well. “He’d better not do any damage or I’ll be having words with some spuds…”

Once Noah had reached his tenth potato, Mike and Kurt had decided to call the guys and let them know what the hell was going on. If only so that there were more witnesses to the ridiculousness that was Noah Puckerman. Plus, Artie usually had a higher quality recording device and this was youtube gold.

As Puck shifted around, seeming to look for more space for potatoes, Mike nudged Kurt, who looked over at him from the corner of his eye so as not to miss anything his boyfriend did. “Hey Kurt? What do you think he’s gonna do with them once he’s out of room? I mean, what’s he going to do now?”

It was a good question, in all honesty. Kurt had no idea what Noah might decide to do with his pants weighed down with potatoes and barely any ability to move his legs without crushing his manly bits. Would he just start pulling the vegetables out of his jeans and… what? Put them back? Because,  _ew_ , no. But then he did something Kurt did not expect, and the countertenor nearly fell over laughing.

“Oh, God, Noah, no!” He clutched his gut and turned to watch his boyfriend waddle from the produce section to the store’s exit, going so slow anyone could see what he was up to. He winced with each shift, the potatoes in the front of his groin area clearly pinching and exerting force where it was really not wanted.

Kurt and Mike’s manager had apparently been watching along with them, as his eyes met Kurt’s as the boy turned back toward the windows to watch Noah shuffle through the parking lot as if he hadn’t been seen at all.

“I’ll pay for the potatoes, Mr. Carte,” he wheezed as he doubled over with laughter watching Noah try to get into his truck with his pants still full to bursting with potatoes. Kurt’s manager walked away muttering about strange kids and vegetable pornography, which just made the group of boys start laughing again.

Kurt couldn’t really say his job was so boring after that.


End file.
